For a long time now, Pope Francis has contemplated leaving
the Jesuits. When he was a young priest,
it was fun, but now that he’s matured and more important, the pope has
discerned a calling to the Mendicants.
After all, Francis has to be true to himself. His new motto is Veritas.
He was never comfortable with all the money the Jesuits
have. It’s rumored that even God doesn’t
know how much money the Jesuits have.
See-- the pope really is too humble to be a Jesuit.
As pope, he’s also too busy to do a good Examen of
Consciousness, every night. He makes up
for it by popping into confessionals, whenever he can. (Jesuits give the easiest penances.)
Never mind going through the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises! Yes, in all good conscience, he just can’t do
all that stuff that Jesuits are supposed to do.
Besides, he’s such a social being. He couldn't stand living all alone in the
Vatican Apartments, trying to pray the Divine Office with nobody responding, no
choir, no fraternal feeling. His temperament
and personality crave community.
Hence, the Holy Father looked into the Franciscans and the
Dominicans.
At first, Francis thought the Franciscans would be a good
fit. He has always admired them; that’s
why he chose the name Francis, after all.
The pope loves animals, even expressing a preference for the smell of
sheep.
Unfortunately, however, the pope’s feet are flat and he just
can’t wear sandals. Besides, he doesn’t
look good in brown, or gray. The habit
isn’t becoming on him.
Then there are the Dominicans. Francis always admired Thomas Aquinas and has
a bookcase full of Summa Theologica. But
the real attraction to the Dominicans was their family life. They have nuns, sisters, and Laity. Yes, they have WOMEN!!!! How could he ever belong to an order that
excluded women? And the Jesuits have no
Third Order, or Lay Oblates, or Lay Fraternities. What’s the matter with those Jesuits? Yes, the true reason (Veritas, again) the
pope decided to become a Dominican is because he loves the Lay Fraternities of
Saint Dominic. He laughs at BrotherTonto and Cappa cartoons. He reads eLumen.
He loves the laughter, singing, and wine, which can only be found in the
LFSD.
Besides, now being a Dominican, Pope Francis is very
conscious of holy poverty. He doesn’t
have to buy any new clothes. He already
wears a Dominican habit.
Ad majorem Dei
glorian
*This satirical transition from the Jesuits to the
Dominicans became official April 1, 2014.
