(G-R-O-A-N)

Brother Tonto walked into a bar, every single day, at the same time, and dressed in full choir robes.

It was a habit.

Fifty Dollars is Fifty Dollars

Brother Tonto and the Prior enjoyed walking around the fair grounds. Every time they went,they found themselves in front of the airplane ride. Brother Tonto would wistfully read the sign, "Fifty Dollars a ride". The pilot explained that he'd fly over the neighborhood and your home--in their case, the priory. But the prior would say "Fifty Dollars!"

And Brother Tonto would explain, "The experience would be priceless."

The Prior, was aghast. "Fifty Dollars! Do you know what fifty dollars could buy? It would feed us for a week. We could pay a bill. We could help the poor. We could buy some books. Yadayadayadayadayad........"

Every year, the pilot would relive this same scenario.

"Fifty Dollars! Do you know what fifty dollars could by? It would feed us. We could pay some bills. We could help the poor. We could buy some books. We could get the plumbing fixed. We could send money to Father Tom's Kids. Yadayadayadayadayad........"

This year, however, when the pilot saw the friars approaching, he made an offer that the friars, (especially the parsimonious prior), couldn't refuse. "I'll make a bet with you."

"Eh?"

The pilot said, "I'll fly you both free, if the prior won't speak--during the entire time."

The friars were sure to win. After all, they lived in silence. Mostly. Some of the time. Well, the prior was sure he could remain silent. Sure. This wasn't even a gamble; the prior would win.

Up they went. Brother Tonto pointed out the priory and the pilot flew all around it. It was awesome. The scenery was spectacular. God is awesome.

But the prior hadn't said a word. He was sitting in back and was silent during the tour of the neighborhood, the priory, and fairgrounds.

The pilot was beginning to worry that he was going to be out Fifty Dollars. So he did some aerobatic maneuvers. He did some spins over the fair. No sound from the back. He looped over the priory. It was quiet. He was rolling over the river when he noticed that Brother Tonto was turning green. Still no word from the prior. The pilot also noticed that he was low on fuel.

The pilot had no choice, but to land. As he was taxiing to a stop, the pilot remarked that he was very surprised that the prior could keep his mouth closed, this long.

"The Prior?" Brother Tonto's voice went up. "Oh, he fell out during your spin over the river."

"What!" The pilot was aghast. "Brother Tonto, why didn't you say something?"

"Well, because..." Brother Tonto spoke from memory. "Fifty dollars is fifty dollars. Do you know what fifty dollars could buy...........................................?"

Frere Benoit

Frère Benoît from M duf animation on Vimeo.

Look what happened to Brother Tonto's friend, Frere Benoit!

Lost and Found

Brother Tonto lost a contact lens while pulling weeds in the garden. Again.  He looked everywhere: under leaves, under clumps of earth, on himself, etc.  Brother Tonto prayed to Saint Anthony:  Tony, Tony, please come down; my contact lens is lost and must be found.


Then Brother Tonto prayed to St. Jude.

The lens was nowhere to be found.  Brother Tonto finally gave up looking and told the Prior.  The Prior came out and looked around the garden.

After a few minutes, the Prior bent down and picked up the lost lens.  "How did you find it," asked Brother Tonto?

"We weren't looking for the same thing," exclaimed the Prior.  "You were looking for a small plastic circle.  I was looking for $ 150."

Franciscans and Dominicans

Brother Tonto, O.P. was doing the yard work around the priory.  Brother Diotrophes, o.s.f., saw Brother Tonto mowing the lawn.  When Brother Tonto finished the lawn, Brother Diotrophes crossed the street and asked Brother Tonto if he could borrow his lawn mower to mow the lawn around the Franciscan friary.

"Of course, Neighbor", said Brother Tonto, and Brother Diotrophes pushed the mower across the street.

Later, Brother Tonto saw that the Franciscan was yanking and pulling on the engine starter rope.  Br. Tonto watched for awhile and went over and asked Br. Diotrophes, "What's wrong?"

Br. Diotrophes cried out, "I can't get this mower started, what's wrong?"

Br. Tonto calmly told the him, "You have to cuss it."

Indignant, the Franciscan friar said, "Now you listen here, I am a Franciscan and if I ever did cuss, and I'm not saying I have, I've put all those words behind me, and I've forgotten what to say."

Brother Tonto smiled as he walked away, saying, "Keep on pulling on that chain and it'll all come back to ya."

Haven't I Seen You at the Well Before?

The Prior calls the student brother over and says, "Your homily is exactly the same as Brother Diotrophes."

Brother Tonto answers, "Well, it's the same well and the same Samaritan woman."

Dominican Friars

Do Dominicans have a special holiday?

Yup, every Friarday.

Wishing a Mountain were a Mole Hill

A group of friars was mountain climbing.  It didn't take long, before they were utterly lost.  One of them took out the map and studied it.  He turned it upside down, sideways and every-which-way.  He spread it out on the ground, and sighted landmarks.  He consulted a compass and figured in the path of the sun.
   Finally he announced, "Look, see that big mountain over there?"
   "Yes," they said in unison.
   "Well, we're standing on top of it."