Life is a Rehearsal

 My sister died, last week.  I'm still processing that fact.  She had been senile, for the last few years.  It was hard for me to remember her, as she was.  It still is.  I'm all alone, now.  There are no more siblings--just me.  It feels funny, even though because of her condition, I couldn't reminisce.  There's no one to share family memories with, even though she couldn't in her condition. Every memory, thought, or expressed words, are finished.  It's the end.

So, is this life.  

But there is more.  Christians know that death is not the end of life.  In fact, death is the moment that all Christians have been preparing for.  If we live good lives, if we live as Jesus taught us, if we love one another, we have no reason to fear death. It is our Christian goal.

As a Catholic, our sacraments prepare us for eternal life.  Every Mass is a rehearsal; every Confession is a rehearsal; every Rosary is a rehearsal.  We should be ready, even eagerly awaiting our hour of death.  I pray this is how it will be, for me. I do not fear death, but I am brought to my knees. 

 

The Obscured Mystery of God's Presence.

 Just plain meditating, to me, is a bore.  I consider myself lucky, if I fall asleep.  Otherwise, it's a waste of time.  However, The Cloud of Unknowing, insists that I don't give up.  Easier said than done.  

Persevere until you feel joy.

Oh!  I get it.  That's the "cloud".  My mind is cloudy, even a dark cloud.  I'm going to try until this cloud between me and God is comfortable.  I hope to be at home in it.  I'll keep striving to feel love.  Will it be mine?  or His?  According to The Cloud of Unknowing, God will bring me into a deep experience of Himself.

I'll keep you updated.

Divine Connection

 The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence is a spiritual classic.  Everyone says so, especially Pope Leo XIV.  I have about four or five copies, in my bookcase.  So, I must have read them, correct?  Then, why don't I remember anything I learned from The Practice of the Presence of God?

So, I reread one of those books.  It didn't take me long to realize why I didn't remember reading the book.  It's boring.  It's not telling you anything you don't know.  Like kids say, DUH!

The theme is to rely on God.  Trust Him, in all things.  Accept everything that comes along--good and bad, as part of God's plan.  Abandon your own wants and stay focused on God.

A life of continuous mindfulness and divine connection is what God wants.

Tormented by Fear

 The first time, I walked into prison, to volunteer, I was afraid.  Think about that.  I did nothing wrong, why would I be afraid.  Now imagine if you were a prisoner.  You would probably be freaked out, entering a prison, for the first time.  Not knowing what will happen to you is scary anytime.  When your future is unknown, the people you will meet are worrisome, and how long your time there will be, is overwhelmingly full of fear.  Paranoia could set in.

This is what inmates go through.  Pray for them.  Despair is easy, too easy--a parole denial, abandoned by friends and family, long sentences, no future, crazy people, physical abuse may happen, all of these scenarios are brought to mind. 

Prison life is hard.

Loneliness

 Although there's always Hope in prison, everyone is lonely.  Separation from family and friends makes inmates desperately lonely.  Also, since the inmates aren't sure of whom the other inmates are, they also distrust everyone and everything.  That's isolating individuals from each other.  The only remedy is visitations from family and friends and writing letters and phone calls (this costs money).  In fact, postal stamps are used as money when inmates trade with each other.

Hope

 Count your blessings that you have never been to prison.  What do you think inmates think of their future?  I suppose it would depend on their sentence and situation.  The lifers I know, always, always have hope they will be released.  And lo and behold, I've seen it happen.  Two were given compassion release, and lived a few good years, after.  More eventually had their cases overturned; thanks to the Innocence Project and current DNA testing.  Then there's the Mattis cases.  Quite a few of my "cloistered brothers" are free, due to the Mattis decision.  There was also evidence tampering in the chemistry scandal in MA. Another former inmate had his case overturned when his accuser admitted lying!

There's always hope.  The future may be bleak, but no one gives up hope.

A Hostage Situation

 When I was reading the dialogue in Nelson DeMille's Cathedral, I couldn't help but think of former state trooper, Michael Proctor.  Proctor was raked over the coals and lost his job because of the language he used when texting friends and colleagues.  I read the same racial slurs, misogynistic language, profanity, and offensive remarks, and abusive names and slurs, used in Cathedral.  That's the way cops talk.

Unfortunately, for Proctor, his texts were read.  The cops in Cathedral are fiction.  But when you're in war and sometimes cops and the bad guys are at war, one has to demonize the other to work themselves up to battle mode.

Basically, the plot is the IRA kidnapping the Archbishop of New York, and three others.  The IRA is holding them inside St. Patrick's Cathedral and threatening to blow the church and everyone in it to smithereens, if their demands aren't met.  What do they want?  They want the IRA prisoners in Ireland released.  

This is a nail biter.  You kind of think that it will never happen, but how to solve the situation, had me stumped.  There's a little mysticism involved.  The leader of this group, Brian, had a mystical experience in Whitehorn Abbey, when he was saved from the police.  Near the end, the cop defusing the bomb, felt her fingers dismantling the bomb when she hadn't a clue how to go about it. Also, Brian, when he was dying (spoiler) saw the same priest from Whitehorn Abbey, visit him. 

The detailed strategy was excellent.  The pace was fast.  The dialogue was realistic.  It's a classic thriller.