Flea and Tick Collar

                                               Father John told us a joke I never heard before.

He was eating dinner with a parish family.  The little boy kept staring at the priest's roman collar.  He was just staring and staring.  Finally, Father asked the little boy, "I see you are looking at my collar.  Do you know what it means?"

"Oh yes, I do.  Our dog wears a flea and tick collar, too."

Bad Joke

Father Chris just told another bad joke.

The parish had a bell that wouldn't ring.  Many people tried with no luck.  Finally, the pastor offered to pay someone to ring it.  Again, many tried with no luck.  However, one of the men while walking toward the bell tripped over the rope and went face first, into the bell.

It rang.

Everyone was thrilled, especially the pastor.  So every morning, the man (since he was paid) would charge head first into the bell.  He didn't seem to mind, until the day he fell in love.  He knew the pastor would never release him from service, so he eloped with his bride.

The pastor was enraged. "Find that bell ringer." He commanded.

"What's his name?", the people asked.

"Oh, I don't know."  The pastor replied.

"But his face rings a bell."

groan

The Pastor's Lament

If I express myself on a subject, I'm trying to run things.

If I'm silent, I'm dumb or have lost interest.

If I'm often at my office (preparing sermons or studying), why don't I get out and learn what's going on.

If I'm out when they call, why am I not tending to business, or studying for a sermon.

If I'm not at home at night, I'm out having a good time.

If I'm home, I'm neglecting important outside contacts and activities.

If I don't agree with people, I'm bullheaded.

If I do agree, I don't have any ideas of my own.

If I don't do what I'm asked, I'm a poor pastor.

If I do agree, well, that's what I'm paid for.

If I give someone a short answer, I'm "too big for my britches."

If I attempt to explain the pros and cons of an issue, I'm a know it all.

If I'm well dressed, I'm a big shot.

If I'm not, I'm a poor representative of my office.

If I'm on the job a short time, I'm inexperienced.

If I've been there a long time, It's time for a change.

h/t to my Lutheran friends

Joke Only A Catholic Can Get

An elderly parishioner died and went to Heaven.  Upon his arrival, he saw Father John, his lifelong mentor, stretched out on a chaise lounge, next to a swimming pool.  An unbelievably beautiful woman in a bathing suit was dropping grapes into his mouth.

"Father," exclaimed the parishioner, "I'm so glad to see you here!  Of course, I never doubted you would be here, but...well frankly, I never once thought of all this"  --- waving his hand to include the pool, the woman, the grapes --- "as your idea of Paradise!"

"You've got it all wrong," explained the priest.  "This isn't my idea of Paradise.  This is her idea of Purgatory!"

Prayer

Alright, so I'm a baseball fan.  

What do you call it when a Dominican, a Franciscan, and a Jesuit come together to pray?

A triple pray.