The Perfect Christmas Tree

All my life, my Christmas tree has been real.  By real I mean, not artificial. Hubby never had a real tree until he married me.  He had always wanted one, but his family thought they were too much of a bother.

However, once hubby saw, felt, and smelled, a real Christmas tree, he never wanted an artificial one.  Until now.  We decided that since all our children have left the nest, we didn't have to bother with pine needles, watering the tree so it doesn't dry out, getting one too tall, too short, too fat--a having to cut off branches, and what to do with the tree after Christmas.  They are a bother!

One year we bought one that wouldn't stand up straight.  We just couldn't get it to be straight and tall.  We ended up tying string to the four corners of the ceiling to its top, to keep it centered straight and tall.  It was ugly!  It looked like a giant spider web--even when draped with garland and lights!
 That tree was a disaster.

Another year, the tree smelled of cat's urine.                          Enough said about that!

You see we buy the tree around Thanksgiving, before they're all picked over, and we're stuck with everyone's rejects.  But we don't bring it inside the house--it would dry out too fast.  So we keep it outside.  Well, the little animals in the neighborhood must have thought it was a fire hydrant!!!!

That tree was another disaster.  Although, when we told Jim, who we always buy our trees from, he said that we must have bought a ????? tree, which does have a pungent smell.  Whatever.  :-(    Ugh!

And for many a year, we hid the tree behind the furniture.  When we had toddlers and didn't want them  knocking down ornaments, or the tree itself, we pushed the sofa and easy chairs in front of the tree to block it off.

Besides, every year the tree has a bad side.  Well, that's a given; no tree is perfect.  So you hide the bad side away from everyone's view.

So you see the appeal of an artificial tree?  Or, so we thought.  Look at the tree.  I know you can't see it very well.  I'll describe it.  It's too skinny.  You can see right through to its trunk.  And the trunk is obviously a pole--how Christmassy is that?  Of course it has no smell.  I can't put tinsel or angel hair on it, because it wouldn't come off (bummer).

It just looks....well...skimpy.

What do you think?