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Sunday, April 18, 2021

If Rodney Dangerfield lived in Franklin, MA


If Rodney Dangerfield was a Franklinite

You think it’s easy being me?  It’s not. Let me tell you.  I won tickets to the movies.  The theatre was called the Zeotrope.  It’s been gone for over 10  years.  I can’t get no respect.

When I was a child I learned how to swim at Beaver Pond.  The trouble was that my parents dropped me off at the dump across the street from the pond.  No respect I tell you.

I got a library card at the nation’s first library, the town library.  I was seven years old and could barely read.  So I didn’t know I was locked in the elevator instead of the children’s room.  I tell you, I’ve lived a hard life – no respect!

My teachers taught me all about Ben Franklin and how the town was named after him and he gave the town some books for our library.  But he died in Philadelphia, so my teachers gave me a one way ticket to Philadelphia.  I have never been given any respect. 

When I graduated from Franklin High School I was given a blank diploma.  When I complained I was given a diploma with the wrong name.  I complained again and the principal crossed out the name and wrote mine.  What’s even worse is that he misspelled Dangerfield.  He wrote Danger FAILED.  I didn’t dare complain again. 

I brought the family to have a picnic on the Town Common.  We were playing hide and seek.  I looked for an hour and couldn’t find them. I had to walk all the way home…in the rain.   That’s NO RESPECT.

I joined TOPS at the Franklin Senior Center.  That’s a club, Take off Pounds Sensibly.  I didn’t lose any weight but I found out how to look like I did, just hang out with fat people. 

I went over to the Mormon Temple on Jordon Road because I heard that they were good on genealogy.  I wanted to look up my family tree.  I found it, and found three dogs had used it.  No wonder I get no respect.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 


These jokes were fun to write, but I know I didn’t do the justice that Rodney Dangerfield deserves.  He was a comic genius.  If you didn’t laugh at his jokes and the way he put them over, you ain’t human.  His shtick was putting himself down.  His catch phrase, “I can’t get no respect,” is famous.  When he died in 2004 and reached the pearly gates, St. Peter said to him, “I heard you got no respect in life;” which prompted Rodney to quip some famous no respect one liners.”  St. Peter smiled, laughed and then waved Rodney in. “Finally,” Rodney Dangerfield said, “a little respect.”


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