What's My Problem?

Why am I so piqued at being told not to pray the Rosary?  I really shouldn't be, because I didn't want to do it in the first place.  So I should be happy, right?  What is my problem?

Here is the problem.  My parish has Eucharistic Adoration once a month, for an hour, after Mass, on the first Friday of the month.  I don't go to morning Mass at my parish, but I thought I would go to the parish's Adoration, to support them. Very few people go.  I thought it would be nice (I'd like to think, I was called.) to break up the hour with community prayer.  I have seen this done at other Adorations.

The Adoration begins with the priest taking out the Blessed Sacrament and placing it in the monstrance.  We all sing O salutaris Hostia.  Afterwards everyone sits quietly and does their own praying.  An hour later, the priest comes back and replaces the Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle.  We then pray Tantum ergo Sacramentum, pray the Divine Praises and that's it.

I felt called to help out the people by breaking up the hour with some community prayer.  So I talked it over with my prayer group, and we thought we would lead the Rosary after 20 minutes of the silent prayer.  And after another 20 minutes, we'd pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

This worked well (so we thought) for a few months.  Now the prayer group was told NOT to pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, because it interrupted the quiet.

My first reaction was anger.  I didn't say anything, but many retorts were in my mind.
     I didn't want to do this in the first place.
     Do you know the emotional turmoil I went through to begin praying the Rosary with these people.                               "What  if no one answered in response?"  "What if no one heard my soft voice?"  "What if...."
     I certainly wasn't doing it for myself.  I had to push myself to do it--I did it for my parish.
     So much for being called to minister to others for Jesus!

So, why am I upset about being told not to pray aloud?  I don't understand myself.  I should be saying, "Thank you, Jesus.  You got me out of an uncomfortable situation."


Joann / Lioness said…
Faith,a line from Cardinal Newman's "Prayer for Humility before God" comes to mind:
"My God, You see me; I cannot see myself. Were I ever so good a judge about myself, ever so unbiased and with ever so correct a rule of judging, still, from my very nature, I cannot look at myself and view myself truly and wholly." Newman goes on to say God comes and contemplates us.

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