Lost Opportunity

 Back in the day, we elementary school children would walk home, in what was called "patrol lines."  Everyone walked two by two, led by a sixth grader in front, and one in the back.  I was in the second or third grade, when I was surprised, shocked, appalled even, to see my grandmother walking towards us.  And she didn't walk around us; she walked through us.

I looked away and pretended I didn't see her.

That occasion has bothered me for over seventy years.

I know exactly why I did that. I was embarrassed by her appearance. 

This is a photo honoring my great aunt, on her 80's birthday.  Her sister, my grandmother, was in her 80's also, as was my Meme.  Everyone in their 80's was wearing a corsage.  

I think you can see what I am talking about.  The people in the photo are, left to right: my mother, Grandma, Auntie, Meme, and lastly is my mother's sister, my aunt, Bernice.

Do you see a difference in outward appearance in the octogenarians?  Grandma and Auntie are from the old country.  Look at their hair.  Look at Meme.  Meme has a fashionably short coif.  Grandma and Auntie had never cut their hair in their lives.  They always, always, always, wore it the same way--day in and day out, whether mucking out the barn, or going to church, or attending a celebratory party for themselves. Their hair was always pulled back into a bun, worn low on the neck.

Also, their clothes.  They always wore house dresses that reached below their knees, sensible shoes that offered ankle support, and stockings.  These stockings weren't attached to garters but rather rolled up to the knees.  Since their dresses reached below their knees, you couldn't see that stocking roll, until they sat down.  Of course, you can't see that in this photo.  You can see that they are still wearing house dresses, albeit fancy ones.  But still housedresses, especially compared to Meme, who is wearing a suit.

Now here is my seven/eight-year-old self, seeing my embarrassing grandmother walking towards my friends and me.  Can you see why I pretended not to see her?

Do you also see why I have been ashamed of myself for seventy-odd years?  I have lived with regret for my unfortunate reaction. Deservedly so!

Grandma, I love you and I am so-so sorry.